What Men and Women Thought Each Other Knew

Somehow I came across some YouTube videos by Priscilla Shrier about What Men Wished Women Knew which led me to also find What Women Wished Men Knew. Both are two parts and I listened to them both and then thought it would be good for my husband to listen to them as well. So, we spent our date night listening to them and discussing what we heard. It was a great way to open communication between us and helped us open up.

What I liked about these, is there is also a single man and a single woman on the panels so they are helpful for all.

I thought that these might be helpful for others as well.

The Chat with Priscilla - What Men Wished Women Knew (Part One)

The Chat with Priscilla - What Men Wished Women Knew (Part Two)

What Women Wished Men Knew | The Chat with Priscilla (Part One)

What Women Wished Men Knew | The Chat with Priscilla (Part Two)

I would love to hear your thoughts if you do listen to these. Or, what are some suggestions for date nights with your husband?

Marriage Moment Monday

It has been a while since I have done a Marriage Moment Monday. My heart has been burdened lately for marriages because I hear of at least one couple, every week, that is struggling.

To start back into posts about marriage, I want to share links to a couple of good posts from another blogger.

The Important Four Rules of Communication That Will Strengthen Your Marriage

Honoring Christ & Our Husbands

A Great Marriage

The Eden Concept

I am privileged to be part of the book launch team for a new book-The Eden Concept: Marriage God's Way by Dana & Kimberly Williams!

I received an advance, digital copy of the book to read in order to write my review. I am so glad to have read this book!

The Eden Concept is a book that is much needed in our world. I received my copy at a time when many people were asking advice on marriage issues and this book addressed them all in a biblical way.

While most of the information in this book I have already read in the Bible and believe, it is nice having it all in one place and would be great for anyone thinking about marriage, already married but struggling, or even couples who have strong marriages, but still desire a better marriage.

Also, they did present some ideas I had never thought about before. For example, in the first chapter, they have us look at the book of Ruth "for examples of godly character traits." I while I believe Ruth to be a great love story, I never thought to look at Ruth and Boaz for traits for marriage partners. Why I never saw this before, I can't explain, but it was powerful looking at Ruth in this way.

I also loved how they relate the role of a wife (a helper) to God's character and nature as a helper.

All through the Bible, God is called Helper. God gave Eve a part of His character to define her role in marriage.

People often say that a woman is seen as "less" because she is "just" a helper, but being a helper is displaying a character of God. How can that be "less"?

They also share a story that Dave Ramsey shares in his book, EntreLeadership, that beautifully illustrates the strength of unity in a marriage. In short, a Belgian horse can pull 8,000 pounds by itself. We know that horses can pull more when joined with other horses, but here is where it gets interesting. If two horses that don't know each other are placed together, they can pull 20,000-24,000 pounds, but if you put two horses together who have been trained together, that strength increases even more to 30,000-32,000!

I truly believe this book will help any marriage become a better marriage. I also believe this would be good for any engaged couple to go through. There are questions in the back of the book (divided by chapters) so the book can be used as a study either with just an individual couple or as a small group.

Just think of how our world would be changed if couples got a hold of this book and strengthened their marriages?! Strong marriages create strong families. Strong families create strong churches. Strong churches create strong communities. Strong communities create strong states. Strong states create strong nations. Our nation could be changed by the simple act of couples working on their marriages!

I hope you take advantage of this great resource!

Purity in Marriage

Matthew 5:31-32 KJV

31  It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Here Jesus is taking it further and explaining how one causes another to commit adultery.

God hates divorce. Marriage is a covenant bond that is never to be broken. God desires purity and when a divorced person remarries, the purity is already gone.

I know this is a big issue and most people don't think it is fair, but purity is a big issue with God as is a covenant bond.

Celebrating 18 Years Together!

It is sad that I had to go back to our last anniversary
to get a picture of us together! I'll have to make a
better effort to take more pictures!

Today, my husband and I are celebrating 18 years of marriage! While it hasn't always been easy, I wouldn't have wanted to endure them with anyone else. Even now, we wonder at the miracle that God worked by bringing us together and guiding us through the many difficult times. To say that it has always been easy or fun would be a lie. We had many tough times, and even some times where we would have divorced if we hadn't been so stubborn to stick to our statements that divorce wasn't an option, but God was gracious and brought us through those times stronger than ever.

As I ponder over how much we both have changed in the past 18 years, I have to say that it was only by God's grace that we have become the people we are today and pray that God continues to mold us and shape us into who He would have us be.

I am linking to some previous posts that I have written on our anniversaries because what they say still ring true.

17 Reasons I Love My Husband

14 Things I’ve Learned During 14 Years of Marriage

Pray for Marriage

I was awoken last night just after having a dream where I was standing in the road trying to warn people of danger ahead. I was trying to get them to slow down and be careful through the treacherous road that laid before them. When I woke, I asked God of what danger I was warning people. Immediately, a few couples came to mind. These couples are all having difficulties in their marriages.

Marriage is a sacred union. Most people enter marriage with the traditional wedding vows which are:

Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?

Even if couples vary from the above vows, they hold many of the same thoughts. Let's look at these vows.

"Love him"-Love is a choice which is why you promise to do it. If it was just a feeling you could fall in and out of, there isn't any way you could promise to always do it. It isn't always going to be easy, but you need to make the choice to love your spouse.

"honor him"-Again, choosing to honor isn't always going to be easy, but you promise to do it on your wedding day. How does honor look? Well, it could be by not saying negative things about your spouse to others. It could be choosing his likes over your own. It definitely is submitting to his authority and God-given role in your marriage.

"for better or worse"-Life isn't always going to be a breeze and your marriage won't survive if you only love and honor in the best of times. Again, those are choices that you have to make and make them even when times are tough. The tough times won't always stay. In fact, the tough times don't seem so tough when you do choose to love and honor and work together as a team.

"for richer or poorer, in sickness and health"- Again, life isn't always going to be easy, but we need to stand with our spouses. We need to be there for them in the good and bad times. It is easier to endure trials with the support and love of another person. "For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."~Ecclesiastes 4:10

"forsaking all others, be faithful only to him"-Most people only think of this in terms of adultery, but it is much more than just a physical relationship with someone other than your spouse. There is what people call emotional adultery where you seek comfort or emotional intimacy with someone other than your spouse. Also, there doesn't necessarily need to be a physical relationship as just talking with someone else and fantasizing about someone else can be just as detrimental.

In addition to these vows, most people begin their marriages with a wedding where they stand in a church and vow before God to keep these vows. When you do that, you are entering a covenant with God so you aren't just promising your spouse, but God as well.

Satan hates anything that God loves which means that he hates marriage and is going to do all that he can to destroy it. He will use any of the areas mentioned above to attack. We need to be in constant prayer for not only our marriages, but the marriages of those around us. We need to stand and fight the attacks of the devil and we know that defeating him can only be done in the strength of Christ.

Please join me today praying for your marriage, praying for the marriages of your friends and
families, praying for the marriages of those who follow this blog, and for marriages in general. If you know of people who are struggling in their marriages, pray for them. If you know people who seem to have a strong marriage, still pray as they may not actually have a strong marriage or they may have some rough roads ahead. Pray that couples will lean on Christ for strength and seek to draw closer together by drawing closer to Him.

God tells us that where two or three are gathered, He will be in the midst of them. Let us join together and pray!

Dear Heavenly Father, You created the institute of marriage and made it holy. I pray for all couples. I pray they seek You personally and seek Your strength and wisdom to help them in their marriages. I pray they will make You the center of their marriages. I pray they love one another. I pray wives honor their husbands. I pray they endure through the hard times as much as they enjoy the good times. I pray for faithfulness not only to their spouses physically and emotionally, but also faithfulness to You. I pray for openness of feelings and thoughts. I pray for unity in each marriage. I pray for communication. I pray for intimacy-both physical and emotional. I pray for my own marriage in all these areas as well. Lord, may You strengthen and encourage couples in their walk with You and each other. May You be glorified in relationships that are healed and restored. I also pray that if we can be of help in any way to the marriages around us that You would show us how best to do that. Help us be the people who stand and warn others of the dangers ahead. Help us know how to advise them through the potholes they will encounter. You are a good and faithful God who only desires the best for His children and You love each and every one of us. In the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

First Year

Deuteronomy 24:5

When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

When I was a child, I remember hearing stories of my great uncle having taken a full year off work for a honeymoon. I remember thinking that was crazy. I also remember someone saying it was biblical.

As I read Deuteronomy 24:5, the stories came back to me. Here it was--the biblical statute for a newly married couple to spend the first year together.

I wish I remember how he accomplished such a feat. Did he have a year's income saved up? Did he go back to his previous job after that year? Did they live like paupers and only on love? I honestly can't remember. When I talk to people now days, they don't see how it is possible and while it seems impossible, I think it is something worth striving towards. If God wrote it, it must be important!

Maybe we should encourage our sons and daughters to have enough money saved up. Maybe we should encourage a home business where they can work together (not a full understanding of the scripture, but closer than the normal).

So much growth can happen in the first year that this would help.

What are your thoughts?

Marriage Moment Monday-Not Enemies

A great thing to remember when you are your spouse are in disagreement and having a fight--he is NOT your enemy!  Scripture tells us, 

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. ~ Ephesians 6:12

Satan would like nothing better than to ruin your marriage. Marriage is God ordained. Satan would love to ruin marriage because if there are not sound marriages, then society falls apart. He is out to,

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. ~John 10:10

Satan wants to destroy, but Christ wants to bless. Focus on God and He will bless your marriage!

Marriage Moment Monday-Covenant

When you said, "I do!" you entered into a covenant relationship not only with your spouse, but also God. As a noun, covenant means,

an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified. (dictionary.com)

A covenant of marriage (a verb with an object) means, 

to promise by covenant; pledge. (dictionary.com)

You promise to love each other for better or for worse. You promise to love each other for richer or for poorer. You promise to love each other in sickness and in health. You made a promise and promises are not to be broken. 

If you say to each other that divorce is not an option, you will work harder at fixing whatever problems you may have.

You also need to remember that the covenant you entered also involves a third person-God. If you are having problems, go to Him and His Word. There is much wisdom in how to have not only a good marriage, but an abundant marriage within the pages of the Bible.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-6

When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?

Never forget that covenant. Never make divorce an option. Work as hard as you can to make your marriage better. Follow God's commands for life and marriage and He will bless your union.

Reverence Her Husband

Ephesians 5 

 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

"love his wife"

"she reverence her husband"

I learned the truth of this many years ago. My husband and I were not in a good place in our marriage. Things were so bad that if we hadn't started our marriage with "divorce is NOT an option," we very well may have gotten a divorce.

You see, I entered our marriage a feminist. Granted, my feminist ways were already breaking down (I took his last name), I still had a long way to go.

I was controlling (or tried to be anyway), I thought I knew better (I was the one with the degree), and I had a "right" to be happy. 

When things got really bad, I cried out to God to show me where we had gone wrong. I sought godly from my pastor's wife and I studied what the Bible had to say.

What I discovered was that I was tearing down my own house ("Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." ~ Proverbs 14:1).

I did not show Chad respect in many ways which caused him to not love me. This caused me to respect him less which caused him to show less love. It was just a vicious cycle that needed to stop.

I struggled with the fact that I was going to have to take the first step (why should it be me, right?), but it was what God was calling me to do.

There were many times I had to bit my tongue. There were many times I submitted even though I thought we were making a mistake (guess what--I was usually wrong!). There were many times I was only outwardly obedient ("fake it 'til you make it"). However, it worked! Imagine that, God's way worked!

Chad started showing me love which helped me respect him more which caused him to show more love which caused more respect. It was the same cycle as before, but in reverse.

We have had comments from people who knew me well before marriage about how I've changed. Some have asked Chad how he changed me. Thankfully, Chad is quick to tell them it was God who changed me!

I have hard the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a good book and from my understanding is about the same things I discovered years ago.

All I can say is that this is an important concept to understand in a marriage. It saved my marriage and helped us grow to where we are today--a strong, loving, respectful marriage.

I would love for you to share your thoughts!

One Flesh

Mark 10:6-9 

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

When God created the world, He created male and female. Adam saw that every animal had a mate of the opposite sex. When God saw that Adam needed a help meet, He created a woman, not another man.

It is God's design for a man and a woman to go through life together. They join together and become one new being.

When we enter a marriage covenant, it is for life. No one, not even us, should attempt to break it. God fuses the hearts together and they can never be completely separate again. There will always be a connection.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my other half (of our one flesh)! 

14 Things I’ve Learned During 14 Years of Marriage

In no particular order!

 

1. It is better to submit than to push my own way.
2. It’s better to stay up late to spend time with my husband and then just take a short nap during the day.
3. Some men just won’t learn how to cook.
4. I enjoy my husband doing the “man’s work” and me doing the “women’s work”.
5. We can accomplish so much more when we work together.
6. Sex gets better the longer you’ve been married.
7. Becoming parents made us less selfish which improved our marriage.
8. Enduring difficult times together made our marriage stronger.
9. Forgiveness is key!
10. Men need respect more than sex.
11. Watching my husband being a great father is sexy.
12. God’s plans are so much better than anything we could have imagined.
13. Becoming a keeper of the home improved our marriage 100%.
14. Waiting for God to change my husband works so much better than me trying to change him (or waiting for God to change me because my husband doesn’t need to change)!

Happy Anniversary, Chad! 

I pray God bless us with 50 more wonderful years!