Marriage Moment Monday

1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I think prayer is a major help to marriages. Prayers of each spouse individually, but also praying together.

I was surprised at how much our communication increase and how much closer our hearts grew when my husband and I started making prayer together a priority. It affected us even more than us doing a Bible study or devotional together.

We also learn that there are ways in which our prayers can be hindered. Your husband and yourself are both heirs together in Christ. We need to treat each other as such if we do not want our prayers hindered.

I highly suggest you see if your husband is willing to pray with you. If you already pray together, I would love to hear how it has affected your marriage. If it is something you start doing, please come back here and share the affects.

Marriage Moment Monday

Not too long ago, there was a discussion on one of the facebook groups I am a part of. The discussion was what was the "normal" frequency of sex within a marriage. The answers ranged from not having sex for almost a year to sex two to three times a day every day! That just goes to prove that there isn't a "normal".

I will say, however, that the Bible gives some insight into this.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

This tells us that we should not deny our bodies from our spouses for "a time" without it being consensual and for giving more time spent with the Lord. I would say that most likely, if it has been a few weeks or more (and there isn't a medical reason) that one of the spouses isn't giving his/her consent and that it isn't because you are giving all that time to fasting and prayer.

We also see in Amos that for a couple to walking the married life together, they must be in agreement.

Amos 3:3

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

I am not telling you that you need to have more sex in your marriage, but I am saying that it is worth having a discussion with your spouse about it. Marriage is so much better when both spouses are on the same page and working towards the same goal.

Marriage Moment Monday

I have been reading, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams, by Sharon Jaynes and came across this in chapter 14. So far, I am really enjoying this book and recommend it.

Have you lost that lovin' feelin'?

Marriage Moment Monday

What Do You Want?

Marriage Moment Monday

Luke 6:42

Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.

A few words from a fellow blogger:

A Prayer and a Mirror

Marriage Moment Monday

Psalms 103:8

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

We are always to look to our Lord for examples on how to live. We should strive to make God's character our own as much as it is possible for us. Here we see an example of not only how to treat others, but, in my opinion, our spouse.

We should be showing our spouse lots of grace and mercy. We should be slow to get angry with our spouse. These are some first steps to help our marriage relationship and show God's love to our spouse.

Think about your actions in regards to your spouse lately. Have they been full of mercy and grace? Have you been slow to anger? If not, then pray and ask God to help you make the changes you need.

Marriage Moment Monday

Last night I watched Fireproof. It has been a while since I watched it, but what stuck with me this time is, "You never leave your partner, especially when in a fire."

When your marriage is struggling, it is under attack from Satan; it is in a fire. That is the time you DON'T leave your partner. That is the time when you need to work your hardest to keep the two of you together. That is when you need to do all you can to save your partner and keep him safe.

I was also struck by how "simple" the Love Dare activities were. They may not have always been easy, but they were simple.

If you have never watched Fireproof, I suggest you find a copy and watch it. If you have seen it before, I suggest watching it again. If you can watch it with your spouse, even better.

Marriage Moment Monday

 1 Corinthians 7:3

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

Let's take a closer look at this verse.

First, this verse speaks both to the husband and the wife. The husband is called to do something, but let's not forget that the wife is called to do the same. Don't stop at the colon and just use this verse to tell your husband how he is to treat you; you are called to treat him the same way.

"[D]ue benevolence". What exactly does that mean?

Well, according to the Strong's Concordance, "due" means:

 to owe (pecuniarily); figuratively, to be under obligation (ought, must, should); morally, to fail in duty:--behove, be bound, (be) debt(-or), (be) due(-ty), be guilty (indebted), (must) need(-s), ought, owe, should.

And "benevolence" means:

kindness; euphemistically, conjugal duty:--benevolence, good will. 

We are under obligation to show kindness. That seems simple enough, but how are we to show kindness? Well, "euphemistically" means (according to dictionary.com):

the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.

If we can say something nicer to our husbands, we should. That means we should watch our tone of voice as well as our word choices. 

Most people should know what "conjugal duty" means, but just in case you don't, also according to dictionary.com:

pertaining to the relation between marriage partners

I know this is a subject that many feel uncomfortable talking about, but sex in marriage is good. God calls us to show kindness in the area of sex (the relation between marriage partners). We should be thinking of our husband's desires and needs over how we feel. Now, I'm not saying that we should just do it whenever he desires (sometimes we just aren't physically able or too exhausted, etc), but we need to take his desires into account and treat him with kindness. 

In short, we need to treat our husband how we would like to be treated. Or, in the words of our Lord, 

 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. ~ Luke 6:31

Marriage Moment Monday

Matthew 7:3-5 KJV

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

I am sure there are many times in a marriage when we can see the faults of our spouse. We feel drawn to point out those faults because not only would we like them fixed, but we are their helper and we are supposed to help them become a better person, right? However, that is the wrong way to approach this.

I had someone tell me recently that she hesitates to bring up the faults of her husband not because she doesn't feel it is her place, but because she knows that if she brings up his faults, he will return with tell her what her faults are.

Scripture tells us what to do in this situation! We are to examine our own lives first. Then, when we have taken care of our own faults, we can go to our spouse to talk about his faults. Until we are living right, we can't expect our spouse to graciously take our criticism/advice.

Part of our examining our own lives might involve going to our spouse and asking if they see an area (or areas) where we need to change. If we do this, he might return with his own question about his life. This would be truly helpful for each of us and be a sign of a mature and loving relationship between us. I have to admit that this is NOT easy, but it does help the relationship grow closer together in the end.

Take some time examining your life. Go to God and ask Him what you need to change. If you are ready, go to your spouse and ask him as well. I promise you will see blessings come from focusing on your issues instead of your husband's.

Marriage Moment Monday

1 Peter 2:16

As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God.

In our world, so many people are so caught up in "what I deserve" that they forget that we are called to serve others. Christ sets us free not to demand or even expect others to serve us, but for us to go and serve others without the premise that they will give back.

Even though we may think it is "right" for our spouse to share in the duties at home or for our spouse to get their own food/drink, we are called to serve. People are often shocked that I will make my husband's plate of food when we are out and about or that if he asks for a drink that I will get up and get it for him. These are small things, small ways to serve, but they speak so much love to the receiver. I never see it as a way my husband is trying to "control" me, but as an opportunity to show him how much I love him.

Spend some time thinking about how you may use your freedom in Christ to serve your spouse today. I would love if you shared your thoughts on this and/or the ways you serve your spouse.

Marriage Moment Monday

Galatians 6:9 

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

I hear often from women who ask, "How long am I to put up with the angry words, the lack of support, etc in my marriage?"

My response (which is actually God's response) is, "Do not give up!" I understand that sometimes there is a physical reason where there may need to be separation for a time, but that doesn't mean you give up. Continue to pray for your spouse. Continue to seek wisdom and guidance about what you should do in your situation. Keep on keeping on.

Marriage Moment Monday

I've been thinking a lot lately about the lack of communication in marriages and how that leads to so much disappointment, misunderstandings, and other issues. I've been very busy this past week and haven't had time to sit and write my thoughts, but I knew I had written on communication when I first started doing Marriage Moment Mondays so here is a look back on some advice that will never be old.

Communication

Marriage Moment Monday

1 Chronicles 16:8-12 KJV

8 Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people. 9 Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him, talk ye of all his wondrous works. 10 Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD. 11 Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually. 12 Remember his marvellous works that he hath done, his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth;

I was reading in Chronicles about when David brought back the ark of God to the place he had prepared for it. Since I had just been praying for struggling marriages, I saw verses 8-12 in a new way.

We must give thanks to the Lord for our spouse. He brought us together and we know His ways are best, so be thankful for your spouse.

Just as it benefits us and others to talk about all God has done for us, so, too, it is beneficial to talk to others about the good in our spouse. Stay focused on his good qualities.

Continue to seek the Lord and His strength for your marriage. God's ways are best, but you won't know what those ways are unless you are seeking Him and His strength to help you through.

I am not saying to treat your spouse as a god because that will not work (and goes against the first commandment). I am saying that we must be thankful for him and remember his good qualities. Also, by sharing the good in our spouse, it will make our spouse feel better about how he is doing and usually will make him strive to do even better.

Give thanks to God for your spouse. Brag about your spouse to someone. Continue to seek the Lord's way in your marriage.

Marriage Moment Monday

Marriage Moment Monday

It has been a while since I have done a Marriage Moment Monday. My heart has been burdened lately for marriages because I hear of at least one couple, every week, that is struggling.

To start back into posts about marriage, I want to share links to a couple of good posts from another blogger.

The Important Four Rules of Communication That Will Strengthen Your Marriage

Honoring Christ & Our Husbands

Marriage Moment Monday-Neither of You is Perfect

I often hear that a marriage is just a union of two sinners. How true that statement is!

Romans 3:10 tells us that, "There is none righteous, no not one."

None of us are perfect. Just as we receive forgiveness from Christ, we want to receive forgiveness from our spouse. If we want our spouse to forgive us, then we must offer our spouse our forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:32

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Marriage Moment Monday-Cooperation

For marriage to work, it needs to be a partnership. For a partnership to work, both parties need to cooperate with one another.

Both spouses should be on the same page when it comes to goals and dreams. It will be hard to accomplish something if you are pulling in opposite directions.

Just as a farmer yokes together oxen so they will not only work together, but accomplish more, you should be "yoked" together with your spouse.

Marriage Moment Monday-Nuture Your Relationship with God

Today I am sharing thoughts from Married for Life by Bill Morelan.

Marriage Moment Monday-Show Kindness

Have you ever noticed that attitudes are contagious? When someone speaks to you in a n irritated tone of voice, you will often reciprocate?

Well, the opposite is true as well. If you are in a bad mood and surrounded by kindness, you'll find yourself being kind.

When your spouse has a bad day and comes home and is short-tempered, or sour-faced, or quick to judge, return kindness.

Matthew 7:12 

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

This doesn't say do as they have done, but do as you would want them to do to you.

Everyone enjoys being on the receiving end of love, sweetness, and kindness. Show your spouse some kindness the next time he is cranky.

Marriage Moment Monday-Marriage isn't 50/50

Many people think a marriage should be 50/50. They divide up the bills, the chores, and other things so they are each taking an equal load.

Unfortunately, that doesn't work!

There are going to be times when you can't do your 50% (like when sick or 9 months pregnant). When you expect your spouse to give 50%, you will grow resentful when it doesn't happen. You will be busy keeping score instead of even keeping up with your 50%.

A marriage will be successful if both spouses give 100%. If each spouse does the best he/she can do, then it fills in the gaps and supports the other in time of need. Even if one spouse isn't giving 100%, the love and actions of the other spouse doing so can have major positive reactions.

1 John 3:18 

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.