Selfishness or Lack of Faith

I am experiencing something very stressful right now in my life. While I know that everything happens for a reason and that God is in control and that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28), I am having a hard time dealing with this right now.

I know in my heart I should be saying, "Not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26: 39), but I am having difficulty believing that in my heart. I don’t want to endure the pain of this trial. I don’t want to see my family endure the pain of this trial. I don’t want to grow stronger through this trial. I don’t want to praise God through the storm. I want to praise Him through the goodness. I want the easy route. I just don’t know if I am strong enough even though His Word says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13).

Am I being selfish or do I lack faith? Do I not trust God to guide me through this? Do I not trust that He will strengthen me and my family? Do I not trust that His plans are better than my plans? (Isaiah 55:8)

I need to draw closer to Him in this. I need to read more of His Word and talk to Him more in prayer. I need to read passages like Psalm 56: 3-4:

Whenever I am afraid,

I will trust in You.

In God (I will praise His word),

In God I have put my trust; ‘

I will not fear.

What can flesh do to me?

And Psalm 55:16-17

As for me, I will call upon God,

And the Lord shall save me.

Evening and morning and at noon

I will pray, and cry aloud

And He shall hear my voice.

And Psalm 18:31-32

For who is God, except the Lord?

And who is a rock, except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength

And makes my way perfect.

And Psalm 34: 17-18

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

And delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

And Psalm 71:20-21

You, who have shown me great and severe troubles,

Shall revive me again,

And bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

You shall increase my greatness,

And comfort me on every side.

And Psalm77:11-13

I will remember the works of the Lord;

Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will also meditate on all Your work,

And talk of Your deeds.

Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;

Who is so great a God as our God?

I know there are many more scriptures I could list (and I may in coming days). I truly believe I needed to write this post more for me than for someone else, but maybe His Words will be encouraging to someone else right now as well.

I pray for anyone going through a difficult time right now. While you may not be experiencing the same trials I am, He will comfort you regardless.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Update: I couldn’t post this right after writing it because of some things that came up. About an hour after I wrote it, the main stressor trial I was experiencing was taken away from me—PRAISE GOD! We are still dealing with many stressful situations, but they seem more bearable. I’m praising God for guiding me through it all.