Painting My Heart

Yesterday I spent most of the day priming the walls of the room that is to be the nursery. While I don't really care to paint (especially around the trim!), I'm thankful that no one was available to help me because it gave me a lot of time to spend with God while I worked.

God totally humbled me during this time. He pointed out to me that I haven't been gracious in many situations. He opened my eyes to some things I have been doing wrong and need to change. He reassured me that He will be with me every step of change I need to make. I realized that while I was painting those walls white, He was washing me just as white!

I first need to apologize to a friend. I made a comment on his facebook page that turned into quite a lengthy debate. While I didn't intend to make it a debate, the comments made back about my comment turned it into that. Then after being personally attacked by people who have never met me (or met me once over 10 years ago), it became even more "heated" and people were hurt. God reminded me that email/FB comments are not a great way to really "hear" a person because you can't really know "how" they are saying something. Without the voice, you can't know the true feelings behind the words. He also helped me realize that I could have worded some things differently to minimize the miscommunication. I also should have shown more grace to those who may not have a relationship with Christ.

He showed me where I have been too "legalistic" with my children and need to show them more grace. I need to enjoy them more and not worry so much about how they will "turn out". I need to remember that they are just children and will not always listen and obey. Although I need to continue to train them to listen and obey, I need to show more grace when they mess up. I need to stop panicking when something gets "ruined" because of something they did because those are just things and my children are way more important. If it is something we truly need, God will provide another! I love my girls very much but sometimes I let the formalities of having a large family cloud my eyes to how to truly just "be" with them.

God reminded me that He will be with me as I transition from how I have been into who He desires me to be. Making the changes necessary are definitely things I can't do on my own, but I can do them with Christ (Philippians 4:13!). I need to make sure I spend time with God so that He can refuel me when I am down. I need to accept His grace to be able to extend grace. I need to be so close to Him that I can hear Him when He talks to me in the midst of the "noise" of life.

Something else that He opened my eyes to was that just as it took more than one coat of primer to cover up some of the markings on the walls, it will take more than one time of me showing grace, forgiving, etc. to "cover" some of the hurts that I cause (or that others cause me). Most everything that happens in life leaves a "mark" on our hearts. The only way to truly cover those marks is with the blood of Christ. He is the only one who can heal us and help us become something new. As we spend time with Him and take a hurt to Him that we are having a hard time forgetting, He will "paint" another coat over that hurt until we one day realize that it doesn't hurt as much and eventually is gone.

I encourage you to spend some time with Him today. May He speak to you as He spoke to me!