“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all.” ~ Psalm 34:19
We are not told that we will have a carefree life when we live for Christ. In fact we are told, “many are the afflictions”. It seems like I’ve experienced more than my share of afflictions lately.
We have endured a very rough couple of months. Now I know there are people who are enduring much more than we have even in these difficult times for us, but it has still been very hard for us. I admire those who are suffering more than us as they continue to not only survive, but flourish amidst their circumstances.
I wrote last month about going through a difficult time with some things. We are still dealing with those issues as well as another blow. While I thought about not saying anything at all or even mentioning it, but not going into details (as I have in the past), God laid it on my heart to be open and honest. It is by not only being open and honest that I might bring healing to my heart, but it may also be an encouragement to others and let other women know they are not alone.
Late last week I suffered my first miscarriage.
Only a handful of people even knew I was pregnant as we hadn’t even told our girls yet. I was two months along. We had only told the few people whom we knew would be happy for us and not offer us rude comments, silence, or fake congratulations. We hadn’t told the girls yet because we know they are not as discreet when it comes to sharing information.
Suffering the miscarriage was hard enough, but it seems as if I miscarried twins. Since this was my first experience with miscarriage, I was unsure of what to expect or what to expect my body to be able to handle. I threw myself into work after I initially miscarried because I was trying to avoid thinking about it. This was not helpful as it stressed my body more than it should have been stressed.
Even after I realized that I was going to need to rest to recover, I kept my mind busy by watching Road to Avonlea episodes. I lost myself in the lives of the characters instead of dealing with my own pain. It was only after I had finished the final season that I allowed myself to think about what happened for more than a few minutes. I spent time in my Bible and found comfort in God’s Word.
While I have been telling myself from the beginning that it was God’s will and that He knows better than I, I was having a hard time truly believing that in my heart. I kept wondering what I had done wrong to cause the miscarriage. I wondered if it was because I have been praying for a boy so much and the babies I miscarried were girls. I wondered if I have been a bad mother to the children I have and that is why God took these new lives. I wondered if it was because I hadn’t taken good care of my body and it wasn’t fit to carry life. I wondered if it was because I have often thought that I couldn’t care for a special needs child and maybe one or both of the babies would have had special needs.
I wondered a great number of things, but the TRUTH is that God has a plan for my life. His ways are different than my ways (Isaiah 55:8). I have already seen him use my sufferings to help others and I know He will use this for His glory as well. It might be by my being able to comfort someone else enduring a miscarriage or it might just be by expressing my love of life—any life.
I am sure I will still have moments where I question God’s decision. I am sure I will still have moments where I just break down in tears. I know I will think more about the consequences of my decisions even if it is as simple as eating something that I know I really shouldn’t. I know I will spend more time in His Word instead of escaping into fictitious world. I know I will continue with my “Blessings Book” (which I started after reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Read about my thoughts on the book here.).
I pray and hope that anyone who has experienced a miscarriage would comment here and share your thoughts, experience, encouragement, etc. with others. I pray that those who have never experienced a miscarriage but would like to express their words of comfort and encouragement would leave a comment. I pray that those who feel the need to leave a rude or hurtful comment would chose to keep their fingers silent and not comment.
I leave you with the following scripture as encouragement.
I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.
This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angle of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him ,
And delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!
There is not want to those who fear Him.
The young lions lack and suffer hunger,
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. . . .
. . . . The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
~Psalm 34: 1-10; 17-18